November 29th, 2006

Faux Female For Fun

Last week I decided to try a little experiment for fun. I created a fake profile on an LDS-themed dating site as a 23-year old female and put up a fake picture (of a fairly attractive woman). The following are some of the responses I received from would-be suitors. Keep in mind that these guys think they’re messaging a 23-year old.

Hey, just wanted to say hi and how are you? Anyway, I hope you are having a good week, and that the weekend was filled with lots of fun and relaxation. I thought it would be nice to hear from you since I think you seem really cool, fun, cute and interesting, so I will hope to talk to you sometime! (35 yrs.)

I am adventurous, tall, and handsome, working on the dark. Do I fit the profile that you are looking for? (26 yrs.)

you know how in cartoons when someone is really hungry they imagine their friend as a big nice apple pie or chicken leg or something? (24 yrs.)

“can you keep up?”, hey that’s my line. oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway. (31 yrs.)

Did anyone give you the bird today? (Turkey.) (31 yrs., send on Thanksgiving)

i really liked your pictures,,,, i think you are cute… i would like to meet you someday… hope hear from you… keep in touch. (22 yrs.)

YOU have a really really pretty face!!! (28 yrs.)

Ok, so I am going to give it a shot. Just so you know up front. I am a way good guy.. It just depends if you really are looking for that. You’ll be treated better than you ever have before. I GREW UP WITH 3 SISTERS…

Usually girls like you… the pretty ones have an ego problem and are out for themselves. So… if that is not you then get back to me. Would love to get to know you better. Your profile did not have much info.

Take care,

TJ oh PS…. heck yes I can keep up!!! (28 yrs.)

Being a model. Is it a lonely life? 😉 (35 yrs.)

haha you must be too cool and modely to reply to dirtballs like me. haha (29 yrs.)

Now, I must say that these responses are fairly mild. Perhaps, since I barely filled out any information on the profile, I didn’t get the response I otherwise might have gotten. I have several female friends who are on similar sites that often get much worse stuff from guys, sometimes even X-rated messages from self-labeled church members. Ew. Some of the ones they have sent me (which I will not republish here) are horrying to read, making me want to inflict bodily pain on the moronic male that sent it.

To all you women out there, I would like to apologize on behalf of all of the idiotic male population. While I certainly don’t claim to represent them, I feel I must shake my head in sorrow and plead that you “forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

11 Responses to “Faux Female For Fun”

  1. Naiah Earhart
    November 29, 2006 at 4:09 pm #


    I had an odd view into the online LDS dating-site scene thorugh my ex-husband, Mike. He used to get the craziest stuff. There would be women on there, who tagged themselves as active, even temple-attending, whose pictures showed them in sleevelss, plunging-neckline skimpy dresses and whatnot.

    He even got messages from guys. It was wild.

    After paying for the service for a year, he finally gave up and let it lapse. I don’t blame him.

  2. Elizabeth
    November 29, 2006 at 11:35 pm #

    Wow, this is hilarious! I would really like to see the fake picture you used, though.

  3. Connor
    November 29, 2006 at 11:41 pm #

    The lucky lady I chose to impersonate can be seen here and here.

  4. bob
    November 30, 2006 at 3:07 pm #

    First of all trying to meet people online is stupid. You have just proved the worthlessness of it. You don’t know if the person is a fraud or not(fraud for sure in your case!!) and it’s pretty dangerous to try to meet up with them. My advice is get out in the “real” world and meet real people, you’ll have more luck!

    ps My name isn’t really Bob…

  5. Kaela
    November 30, 2006 at 3:19 pm #

    That’s super nice “Bob”, but as a young female myself, I’d have to say online is the ONLY place to meet people these days (besides weddings the through friends). I even used to go to bars etc. and that is the MOST ridiculous place to look. People there can be just as creepy as some of the online fellows, especially when they’re hopped up on alcohol. When many or all of your friends are in relationships or married, where can you find the single folk? ESPECIALLY AFTER COLLEGE.
    From personal experience I, too, know that there are weirdos out there (as Connor demonstrates). I’ll openly admit that I’ve tried and craigslist, and been on a fair number of dates with guys from those sites. You have to be careful, yes, but if you use your head and are safe about it, it’s perfectly okay to do (and as a result, I have never felt unsafe in those situations). It’s always good to have an exit plan. I’ve also gotten my fare share of inappropriate e-mails, TRUST ME, I couldn’t agree more with Connor.
    In the end, though, I actually met MY prince charming 🙂 on craigslist, and now it’s more of a joke when we tell people how we found each other!

  6. Connor
    November 30, 2006 at 3:41 pm #

    I’ll vouch for Kaela’s prince charming – he’s a good friend and former roommate of mine.

    …but all stories don’t have such rosy endings.

    I’ve met several girls online and have dated a few. It is no more risky, in my opinion, than meeting somebody anywhere else – deception is just as easy in person as it is online (though physical deception is eliminated because you can see who you’re dealing with, of course).

    I’m reminded of an episode my freshman year of college where my roommate (not Kaela’s beau) met some girls online. He showed me their picture, and “they” were pretty cute. He agreed to meet them in a town a few miles away at a school parking lot, and asked me to tag along. When they showed up, they were a little… um.. “bigger” than “their” pictures indicated. My roommate floored the gas pedal, and we proceeded to be chased by them through the streets of this small town for five minutes before we finally shook them.

    Sure, “online dating” may be scary, but it produces many fun stories to eventually tell the grandkiddies! 🙂

  7. Bob
    November 30, 2006 at 4:30 pm #

    I’d like to respond to the following comment:

    I’d have to say online is the ONLY place to meet people these days (besides weddings the through friends).

    okay, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings(but not too sorry.) I find it extremely comical that you say that online is the ONLY place to meet people and then cite other places. It is precicely these “other” places that people meet other people at. People have been meeting socialy for thousands and thousands of years and you know what, they’ve been getting married too. It’s wonderfual how it’s worked out. I really am happy that you meet your husband in “cyberspace”, and I wish a happy life for you and your husband.

  8. Lucia
    November 30, 2006 at 6:10 pm #

    Connor, is it time for me to tell you that I am bordering 400 lbs?

  9. Kaela
    December 1, 2006 at 12:25 pm #

    Bob, is there any particular reason you are against meeting people online? Have you ever tried it? “Don’t knock it ’til you try it.”
    Online is just another place to meet people, another forum for interaction (just like this blog post). It connects people that might not otherwise meet or have the opportunity to interact. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t (just as in real interactions). But if you don’t take that chance, you’ll never know.
    Why such a scrooge?

    People have been walking, biking, driving, riding trains, etc. to get around for centuries. With the advent of the plane, should people not fly because it’s scary?

    In the end, my suggestions to those who choose to try online dating…
    -drive yourself to the date (rather than being picked up or picking them up)
    -perhaps bring a friend or meet in a group the first time
    -meet somewhere public
    -have several phone conversations with the individual before even agreeing to meet them
    -have pepper spray (just in case)
    -bring your cell phone
    -tell friends, etc. where you are going
    -do NOT go home with them or get in their car the first few dates

    That’s if you’re being SUPER careful. I’ve never had a problem…I guess I’ve been lucky.
    I’m curious. Are you married? In college? LDS? Those are all factors that (obviously) would make it seem “easy” to meet people from your perspective. And lets keep in mind, people who are connected to online dating sites are more than likely still out there meeting people the “conventional” way…they are just broadening their horizons by utilizing another vehicle for interaction.
    And when you say “people have been meeting socially for thousands of years,” might I remind you that technology is now a part of our social culture. With the advent of internet and e-mail, technology is just another way for people to “meet socially.”
    For those of us not in such delightful predicaments (such as a tough social scene or lack of a singles ward), online dating sites are a wonderful resource when used properly (and I think we’ve all come to the agreement that some people abuse this priveledge). I think it’s important to make the distinction that yes there are creepy people out there or those that are using this tool for exploitation. But there are also normal people out there (like me…I hope) that are legitimately using it to meet someone special. Let’s not make rash judgements about something because of the indescretions of few. It’s so easy to look at the negative…

  10. Bob
    December 1, 2006 at 2:36 pm #

    Okay, I’m not AGAINST online dating, I’m just more of a people person and like to “get out” and have some fun. Starting online first then working to “the real world” will surely work best for some. I’m just wary of a lot of online content as there are a lot of scam artists out there. I personally think that It is harder for people to lie to your face than to lie to a computer screen. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. can often tell you a lot about someone. Hey I know the internet is fun. There are good people out there looking to hook up, but I personally will never go out on the net looking to meet people. That’s just me.

  11. Dustin Davis
    December 4, 2006 at 10:34 am #

    Oh my goodness. Can I say again I am so glad I’m past that stage of life! 😀

    I did go on couple of dates with girls online. It seemed online we had lots to talk about, but in person I couldn’t wait for the night to end!

    Singles wards are a joke too. Find a decent apartment a few miles off campus. Be active in your ward and I’m sure people will start to notice. You may find a nice young primary teacher in your same situation. Or you may have members there that can wait to play matchmaker.

    All in all I suggest going to your home ward and participating in whatever activities you can there.

    Did I meet my wife online? No, not really. We worked at the same company. I sent her a short email to the effect of “So, I hear you live in Alpine.”

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